Fuck it. Fuck it all.

You are clearly in need of one of those long posts.  Those ones I used to write that drew you in and left you saying 'Jesus, that girl is fucking cool'.  But lately I'm sure my posts have left you saying 'Whelp, at least she cusses a lot'.  The thing is that tonight was supposed to be awesome, but I'm sick with a fever of 101 and my parents obviously wouldn't let me go out.  So everyone's out hooking up and getting drunk and making memories that when come Monday, I won't be included in.  So right now I'm crying at random times, watching reruns of One Tree Hill and trying not to check my Facebook or personal Twitter account. It so hard, but you know I feel like if I saw someone saying something like 'FUCK YEAH AWESOME PARTY' I would just cry a little harder and hold my head a little lower.  So here I am trying to figure out a way to get out my house tomorrow so that I can maybe do something with my friends.  I'm thinking manicure and retail therapy?  Yeah, I hope you understand how I'm feeling cause it really does suck to be the one on the outside looking in.  But I'm sure that I don't have to tell you that because everyone has been in that situation before.  Sitting in a group of friends where everyone is talking and laughing about something you simply don't understand so you stare at your phone screen and pretend you have something better going on.  Well all I'm here to say is that I really hope it gets better guys, because this shit has been going on too long and I don't know how much fight I have left in me.
Night dolls,
Zola