Fuck Prom Bitches

I'm sixteen years old dammit and therefore unless I was inconceivably hot or slutty I will not be going to prom this year.  Apologies to all those sixteen year old girls going to prom, I'm sure you're all very nice girls under that extremely annoying exterior.  As I was saying proms in the air girls are posting pics of their potential prom dresses on Facebook (yes, I have one of those) and trying to decide what color to get their nails painted.  And of course guys are asking them to prom in the cutest ways possible every time I see some guy shower a girl in roses, or post sticky notes all over her car or serenade her I just want to jump out there and say "HEY YOU, I'M RIGHT HERE AND TRUST ME I'LL PUT OUT!" ha.  just kidding....
The other plus of prom is going to the after parties which are the practically overflowing with teen sex, weed, booze and amazing inside jokes.  Luckily I have already secured myself a place at one of these parties but I will be the girl showing up in yoga pants while the other girls amble in with their pricy stilettos, messy-on-purpose updos, and custom made gowns.  Yeah, fuck you bitch.
Advice to other sixteen year old girls?  Count down to next years prom!! It'll soon be your turn to shine and this years senior girls will be gaining ten pounds on an all Ramen and pizza diet and contracting herpes from supposedly hot frat guys.  Heals the wound a bit, huh?  So more advice, secure yourself a date even if its one of your friends and make sure they're in it for the ride! (metaphorical and literal ;) of course).  And when some hoe (sorry) in your grade tells you she's going to prom with a senior be sure to ask if she's ready to get her  cherry popped and become a teen mother?  She'll certainly be able to have fun then. HA!
Yeah I'm a bitch but chances are you probably are one too ;)